Parenting Teens- Picking Battles and Empowering Our Kids

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you probably already know what a challenge it can be. While there are some stereotypes about teens that might have seemed far-fetched before, you now know that some of them are more realistic than you expected!

You might argue with your teenager more often than not. Maybe they don’t want to listen. Maybe they think they “know everything.” Or, they might just have an attitude when they speak to you that feels disrespectful. 

Unfortunately, constant arguing frustration aren’t doing any good for either of you. 

There’s a better way to get through to your teen and empower them in the process. 

It starts by picking your battles. I know, I KNOW! So hard! Let’s consider how some of the arguments start, and why we may need to approach things differently.

You Could Be Pushing Them Away

Think back to when you were a teenager. There were probably things you didn’t want your parents to know. There may have been other things you were confused about but didn’t know how to bring up or were too embarrassed to speak about. 

You want your kid (no matter their age) to come to you with their struggles, or when they’re in need of guidance. The key words here are “come to you.” By asking too many questions or pushing too much on a subject, you could actually be pushing them away. The more “cornered” they feel on a particular topic, the more likely it is that they’ll be closed off and argumentative. 

Your teenager shouldn’t be worried about telling you what’s on their mind. You should be one of the first people they run to. But, you won’t get that through poking and prodding. 

This is not to suggest that you need to go completely hands-off and uninvolved. Instead, let your teen know you’re there for them. Assure them that they can always come to you, no matter what’s on their mind. This can make a more comfortable relationship between you and will give your teen the power to choose what they want to do. 

It’s Okay to Let Them Fail

Sometimes, your battles might arise because you want/expect the best from your teen. It’s okay to encourage them to do their best. It’s even okay to have expectations in your home. 

But, there’s a difference between encouraging their best and fixing their problems. 

No one wants to see their child struggle or fail – no matter how old they are. Teenagers are going through an interesting time in their lives. They’re going to have plenty of choices and they’re going to make mistakes. 

While it’s important for you to guide them and encourage positive choices, you can’t do everything for them. It’s okay to allow them to fail. 

I know, I KNOW (again)! This can feel scary. And we’re not talking about letting them hurt themselves or anyone else. In those situations, safety is the only priority. In other life experiences, failure can actually be helpful. Without failure and struggle, there would be no growth. While it might be hard to see your teen dealing with a difficult situation in the moment, look at it as a learning experience for them. They’re bound to make better choices next time and feel more empowered to do so. 

Your relationship with your teenager doesn’t have to be contentious. By picking your battles wisely and letting them make more choices, you could build a better bond and empower them all at once. 

By doing things this way, you might be surprised to find that your teen comes to you more for advice or help. Sometimes, backing off is the best thing you can do for your relationship, especially during the teenage years. Not only is it good for your relationship, but it’ll teach your teen lessons they’ll carry for a lifetime. This doesn’t mean they are left alone, instead, you may want to consider the objective support offered in teen therapy. I’m here to help parents and teens navigate this pivotal time in their development, and in your evolving relationship. Reach out to schedule a free telephone consult today.

Photo by Alex Geerts on Unsplash