8 Ways Anxiety Can Wreck Your Relationship

Anxiety, as a topic, is trending pretty high right now. It’s not hard to understand why. Before the pandemic, most of us were racing around, exhausted, and looking for ways to achieve a work/life balance.

And now? Well, life after the pandemic has ushered in a whole new set of worries and fears.

Yet, through it all, we struggle to maintain healthy and fulfilling relationships. But it isn’t easy. Particularly if your anxiety has reached unmanageable levels. In fact, if you are wrestling with unaddressed worry, your relationships may be suffering in ways you don’t really understand.

Anxiety can interfere with your connection to your partner and the way you parent. Moreover, the anxious feelings you have about yourself and the way you are perceived by others can lead to self-esteem issues and damage your connection with loved ones, coworkers, and potential relationships.

1. The chronic tension of anxiety is contagious.

Anxiety inhabits the body and mind. That hyper-alert, on-edge feeling is like a wave of disquiet that ripples and spreads. In a home with others, your tension can infect their interaction and create confusion. You may notice that kids aren’t quite sure why they feel upset. Your partner may be exhausted from tip-toeing around your feelings.

Generally, peace may feel upsettingly out of reach. Your home may feel like it is mostly filled with conflict, poor communication, and hurt feelings.

2. You’re never really with the people you care about.

Focusing on the moment to be present and attuned to the people in your circle is vital for thriving connections. Fear and worry can step on the neck of mindful interaction. Your partner and children may feel as though you aren’t present, or worse, don’t want to be.

Furthermore, Anxiety is a constant concern with the “shoulds” and “coulds “of life. It is comparative and judgmental. If you’re continually troubled by what you should have been or could be doing, life, as it is, can feel unsatisfying. Sadly, the people in your life may seem disappointing too.

3. Your real feelings get lost in the whirlwind of panic and procrastination.

Anxiety and open, vulnerable self-expression are often at odds. When anxiety takes over one of two things may happen, depending on the relationship: panic or procrastination.

Why panic? The discomfort and uncertainty feel so intolerable that you just want them to stop. So you overreact, become demanding, talk incessantly, etc. This can be overwhelming for your children or others, especially if it’s happening regularly.

Why procrastination? Anxiety is not a comfortable experience. So, you may do anything to avoid it. You may become irritable, defensive, distracted, or passive-aggressive just to postpone the difficult conversations or decisions. For a partner, this can feel disrespectful or dismissive.

It’s important to deal with anxiety so that you can access your feelings, process them, and interact with others without fear. It’s less draining for you both.

4. An anxious need for reassurance can lead to overdependence.

For many, anxiety creates excessive dependence on others for support, reassurance, and brief respites of peace.  Are you nervous when you are alone or forced to make your own decisions? Do you call, text, or pursue your partner, seeking guidance or approval? Is closeness a constant need, so much so that your kids, friends, and family have expressed a need for space?

If so, You are likely overthinking and overreacting to other’s responses or lack of interaction. Thanks, anxiety! Your anxiety can begin to consume you, as well as damage your relationship with your loved ones over time.

People who are overly dependent on their relationships may struggle with effective communication and lash out in ways that are destructive to their relationships. This might cause friends and family to keep their distance physically and emotionally.

5. Anxiety can lead to fixing, rescuing, and other… jerky behavior.

Anxiety is an overblown fear response. You are no longer reacting to a present danger. Constant focus on your own fears can feel selfish and disrespectful to others, when really, you are just struggling to feel more in control of your life. For those in a relationship with you, the ongoing need to attend to your problems or concerns may feel manipulative, even though that is the opposite of your intentions. 

You might feel worried about your family, but when worry looks like attempts to control them or keep them close, it robs them of their own sense of control and freedom. After a while, resentment will build and they become more irritable or distant.

6. The anxious tendency to isolate sabotages a longing to belong and connect.

Perhaps you are so worried about what people think or say that you just avoid them. Maybe your fears about being a capable partner or parent are so overwhelming that you just “check out” emotionally. Anxious people can sometimes resort to isolation as a coping mechanism.

Avoidant behavior is common among anxiety sufferers who can’t stand the potential of negative outcomes in their relationships. In other words, though you want closeness, the potential disappointment feels too scary.

Fear of abandonment or rejection can lead to self-protection that seems cold or emotionally unavailable. This can lead to persistent misunderstanding and relationship damage.

7. Fear and worry rob your relationships of fun and adventure.

Relationships deflate when laughter and playfulness are lost. Your outlook tends to be overly cautious, rejecting experiences that aren’t dangerous or harmful. You even tend to avoid opportunities that could benefit or bond you to others.

Anxiety gets in the way of healthy change and frustrates the people in your life. Eventually, feeling stuck and afraid can push people you care about away.

8. Persistent anxiety shrinks the space relationships need to grow.

Unchecked, anxiety makes the world feel small, serious, and scary. To enjoy life and each other, we need a sense of safety and freedom.

When your body and brain become so accustomed to living in a fearful, stressed-out state, relaxing enough to dream and set goals becomes limited. Intimacy feels stifled. Negative thinking steals the joy of togetherness and hope for the future. It all becomes too much work and not enough reward.

So what now? Counseling can help.

Overcoming anxiety is not simply “mind over matter.” Seek help to face your fears. Therapy is an excellent way to begin. Sessions with a professional can help you learn to cope, feel more in control and at peace, without becoming too dependent, demanding, or distant from the people you care about.

I’m here to help you build healthier relationships. Please read more about anxiety treatment and contact me for a free consultation. Let’s create a freer, more satisfying life for you and your family.